i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
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