it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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