I hate your face
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just google imaged poop.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
