I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize