ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
