Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
