lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
