Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
