Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
