He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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