Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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