why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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