I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
