I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
