I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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