Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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