If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
