Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
