If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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