If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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