You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Randomize
