porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
