it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
