Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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