Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
