im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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