Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
