If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
We need to rekindle our bromance
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize