It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
