Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
