I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
