For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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