Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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