May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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