I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Are we still banned from the library?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
