I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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