So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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