Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
and you fell through a lawn chair
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
