How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
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