if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
