Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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