It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
