Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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