I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
