you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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