I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
