Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
