What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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