D3 body, D1 cock
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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