tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize