i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He shit in the fireplace
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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