i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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