Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
