I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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