I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
