The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize