Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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