I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
