Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
