Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Randomize
