the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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