and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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