do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
