i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
