I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
