I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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