Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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