You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
