i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize