the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
