now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
