when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
